The Real Life

Hi people,

How are you? How is your week going? Today’s post is by Jerry, a reader. Please read and remember to leave a comment.
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Enjoy the rest of your week.
Hugs and kisses.

He sat on the toilet bowl, he felt really relieved now, and he had held it for the whole day. You know those golden toilet bowls we see only in BBM display pictures and twitter timeline? They actually exist, but the bowl he was on was nothing close to them. This was the only toilet in a compound of 53 people. So you can imagine how unimaginable the toilet was. Somehow he had forgotten to put his usual tissues on the seat before he sat (and rightly so, when you share toilet with the entire Nigeria, you should protect yourself. Hepatitis is a dire something)

Ok now jokes apart, back to my story. He sat on the bowl, thinking seriously about his life (anyone else wonders why the toilet suddenly becomes the best place to do your brainstorming and making those life decisions too). At some point, he flashed to his university days. Back then he was in school, he was the Real Deal. I repeat Real Deal. At least that was what his friends called him. With his cute face, sexy smile, muscular body and most importantly the big daddy he rode (though his uncle’s) no girl stood a chance not even sister Juliet the campus fellowship’s secretary (there were rumours though, even videos :x)

He rocked every party on campus, wore the latest trend. He was that dandy dude, the most popular in faculty of law and even popular among lecturers. He even had a diary where he kept the list of girls he had slept with, the dates and places- the black book he named it. A good number of them were in his “big daddy” at Newhall and oh, his apartment? LEGEN -wait–for–it–DARY. Simply put, he was “living the dream”.
This was every boy’s dream; to live the dream. But then, there was this little problem. His swag grade was inversely proportional to his cumulative grade point. And oh yea, you guessed right. He didn’t care at all; I mean who needs a high CGPA when you’ve got swag……He smiled frequently on his “bowl” when He remembered his escapades and frolicking. His debauchery was unmatched.

Then he fast-forwarded to the past 4 months. How he walked the entire length of Lagos in search of jobs. He remembered being humiliated by one of his interviewer who said “young man the only job you’d get with the result is a nursery school teaching job……if you’re lucky”. He flashed back to those dreadful days when he ate nothing at all for an entire day. In the past few months, he’d come to realise that he wasn’t the Real deal anymore. He’d realised that swags was gonna pay no bill. He also realised that most of those his girls back in school were married now…to rich husbands. One even came to preach to him some weeks back. He’d realised that university was just superficial and that the real life is after school. He’d realised that university wasn’t an end in itself, but a means to an end. He’d realised that the society is unforgiving and only the fittest survives. And very importantly, He’d realised that when a man gets a woman, his friends asks “is she fine? Is she endowed? ” But the girl’s friends asks her “what does he do?” (Personally, I think this is an unfair attack on men. The expectations on men are just too high)

Reality had set in.

But What other worse place is there to realise all these “world-changing-Einstein-discoveries” than a pitiful toilet bowl in some rural place in Nigeria with two of your neighbours banging on the toilet door cussing you to come out already “Oloriburuku shey you dey born pikin for there ni…….Chai!! Darrisgod ooooo!”


2 thoughts on “The Real Life

  1. ditolite 25/06/2014 at 5:20 pm Reply

    Hahaha, hilarious bt tot-ful too. If only he knew…


  2. exceptionalstar 26/06/2014 at 9:11 am Reply

    Hmmm… as one makes his or her bed things.


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