Happy new month! The year seems to be flying! Simi’s Musings would soon come to an end, we have 2 episodes to go.
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Have a fab weekend.
I haven’t spoken to Sunkanmi in four days.
He has called relentlessly and sent me countless text messages. I’m not upset that he has a 7 year old son (okay, I am) but what’s more upsetting is the fact that he hid it from me. We’ve known each other for about 8 months- more than enough time to mention he was a father.
My mum and I are in the kitchen making dinner. Tayo is her room because she has a tummy ache.
“You still aren’t speaking to him?” mum asks as she slices ugwu leaves.
“Yes mum I’m not. Only God knows what else he’s hiding, I mean where or who is Joshua’s mother?” I open the lid of the pot to stir the boiling meat.
“Who knows he might be a serial killer too!” I add and we both laugh.
“Serial killer and he hasn’t killed you since? You have to talk to him dear…hear what he has to say.”
“Mummy I really don’t feel like. Can you imagine he was already talking about marriage oh yet he had a gigantic skeleton in his cupboard.”
“My dear who doesn’t have skeletons?”
“Oh so now you are supporting him abi?” I say eyeing her.
“No I’m not; I’m just saying you should hear him out first. He’s a good man and I like him.”
“Mum I know you are eager to see your 27 year old daughter get married and leave your house and-”
“Nooooo my dear. Yes I want to see you get married, what mother wouldn’t? But your happiness is more important to me. I know sometimes I can be over bearing.”
Thank God you know!
“Okay mummy I’ll talk to him…I miss him terribly anyways.”
I pick up my phone and reply the message he sent yesterday asking if he could come over to the house.
Mum and I are watching a Nollywood movie and Patience Ozokwor is in action; terrorising her daughter in law because she hasn’t given birth to a child after being married for 3 years.
“You this barren paw-paw tree!” her voice thunders from the TV screen. I can’t imagine having her as a mother in law and thank God for Sunkanmi’s mother.
I hear a knock on the door and go to open it. He’s standing outside wearing a t-shirt I bought for him, looking at me with puppy eyes.
“Happy new year’s eve.”
“Happy new Year’s Eve too.”
“Are you going to let me in?”
“Yeah come in.”
He says hello to my mum and she leaves us alone in the living room. He doesn’t say anything and we both sit in silence awkwardly pretending to be watching what’s on TV.
“Should I get you a drink?” I ask.
“No…I’m fine. I came here to talk.”
Oya, start talking
He turns off the TV and moves from where he sat across me to come and join me on the sofa I’m sitting on.
“I’m so sorry Simi.”
“Sunkanmi I really-”
“Please hear me out. I should have told you about Joshua and I have no explanation for not telling you…Bimbo gave birth to Joshua 6 years ago. We met during NYSC* and started dating. I hadn’t given my life to Christ then, I was just a religious guy, I was even in the choir at the time. One thing led to another and she became pregnant just before we finished NYSC. She wanted to terminate it because she was scared of her dad but I talked her into keeping it and promised to get married to her when I got a job. Her parents sent her to go live with her aunt in Akure because of their reputation.
Luckily for me, I got a job as soon as I finished serving…I went to see her in Akure once a month and we talked about getting married. I don’t know how it happened but her dad convinced her to have the baby, leave it for me and go abroad for her masters. I begged and begged her…but her mind was made up. She had Joshua and didn’t even set her eyes on him according to my mum because she was in the hospital with her.” I can see the pain in his eyes as he’s speaking.
“My parents took Joshua and raised him up and Bimbo left for the UK…she left and told me not to try and reach her again when I called her…I got her number from a mutual friend… I tried reaching her again after I gave my life to Christ to ask for forgiveness but she didn’t want to talk to me and she never replied my mails…I heard she’s married now.”
“Wow, I don’t know what to say.”
He reaches for my hand “Simi I love you so much and I was scared about losing you if you found out… After Bimbo, I didn’t date anyone …I don’t know how David talked me into calling you because different people had tried to hook me up…my mum was worried that I was becoming a workaholic and didn’t have time for a woman… I’ve never told you this but I knew I wanted to marry you after our first date…I felt the peace of God as I prayed about you.”
“Sunkanmi I forgive you-”
“Thanks Sims, I love you.”
“I love you too Sunkanmi.”
“I know it’s a huge responsibility…loving me and my son and starting our life together with a six year old.”
“I think Joshua and I bonded well that day you know.”
“I know right? I was so relieved…anyways just wait till he throws one of his tantrums.”
I wake up to loud laughter coming from the living room; I know my grandparents are around already. They come to spend New Year’s Day with us every year and they always come early in the morning. A glance at my bed side clock tells me I’ve slept for almost nine hours. We came back home from cross over service some minutes after 1:00am; service was really interesting and the church auditorium was packed as usual.
Pastor’s sermon was based on Isaiah 43: 18 & 19, my favorite bible verses – “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” I smiled all through the sermon because God had indeed started something new in my life; was it not merely some months ago my mum was still harassing me about still being single at 27 and I remember how I cried when David told me he was going to propose to Tayo.
Pastor talked about how God told the Israelites not to stay stuck in the discouragement and seduction while being in exile in Babylon that they should look forward to a new thing- release from exile. He said staying stuck in the past can keep us from the new thing God wants us to do. “Do you not perceive it?”- God asks the same question today, when He leads us to something new, the Holy Spirit will be a witness. I kept nodding as he was speaking.
I know Sunkanmi is God’s will for my life, the peace I have about our relationship, about getting married to him can only come from God. Even with Joshua in the picture, I’m not scared or worried.
After Obinna, before Sunkanmi came, there were other guys. Yemi at work who claimed he was in love with me and wanted us to get married. I couldn’t even think about dating him because he wasn’t born again it was that simple.
Bayo, who I met at a wedding; he was supposedly born again but didn’t see anything wrong with touching and fumbling sensitive body parts as long as there was no sex. After he revealed this during our second date that was the last time I saw him.
With Sunkanmi, things are different, we both agree that premarital sex is a sin and that includes touching and fumbling because our bodies are God’s temple. We try to avoid hanging out alone and have our dates in public not to create an atmosphere for temptation. We encourage each other spiritually, pray for one another, and study God’s word together- last month we did a character study on Joseph.
Tayo’s sudden appearance in my room interrupts my thoughts. I’ve given up trying to get her to knock before entering my room.
“Simi, grandma and grandpa are here and they’ve been asking of you.”
“I know…let me shower and then I’ll go downstairs.”
“Be ready for grandma’s attack sha about still sleeping at 9am in the morning.” We both chuckle.
“I’ll try.” I reply, knowing nothing I say would stop the verbal attacks I’ll get.
“I’m hanging out with David later today.”
“Are you joking? What would you tell them? You know grandma would launch into a tirade about how it’s rude to go out when they came visiting.” I love my grandma but sometimes she can be over bearing, I guess that’s where my mum gets it from; truly the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
“I’ll survive.” She leaves my room and I head to the bathroom.
My grandparents leave at 7:30 pm and I’m knackered. We enjoyed their visit as always with grandma dishing out stories about the women she counsels at church. She volunteers twice a week as a marriage counselor at her church because according to her, “being happily married for 52 years qualifies you to give other women advice.”
She gave Tayo a lecture when she told her she wanted to go see her fiancé and let her go on the condition that she come back home before they left and of course she wasn’t back before they left.
A message from Sunkanmi appears on my phone:
Honey bunny, so looking forward to our date tomorrow xx
I smile- we are going out tomorrow to see a movie with Joshua and having lunch afterwards. I suggested it and Sunkanmi was very pleased; I might as well get better acquainted with my future son.
I hear the bell and go to open the door. I’m shocked at the sight before me- Tayo is standing there with a swollen eye and tangled hair.
“My goodness! Tayo what happened?”
“I broke up with David.”