We have our very fist interview on the blog!!! As I mentioned in my previous post, I am introducing a new feature on the blog titled Till We Say I DO interviews. The purpose of these interviews is to share experiences from christian couples who abstained for pre-marital sex before saying I DO.
In our world today, sexual purity and chastity seem very old fashioned and christians even find it difficult to speak up about sexual purity. I pray that we are encouraged by these interviews and aware that there are still believers who obey God’s word.
In Hebrews 13:4, the Bible says “Marriage is honourable among all and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. So, just because Hollywood or Nollywood depict that pre-marital sex is fine, does not make it right. Remember, God’s standard has not changed! He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
If you have been engaging in pre-marital sex, it is not too late to repent and ask God for forgiveness. The Bible says in 1 John 1:9 that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Our first couple is Ademola and Busayo Abolarin. Busayo and I are cousins and I was her maid of honour. I don’t quite remember having a discussion with her about abstaining from pre-marital sex but I just knew that they waited till they said I DO from spending time with them during their introduction and wedding weekend.
When I was collating the names of couples to interview, they came to my mind immediately. I asked and they agreed!
So, grab some popcorn, a drink and enjoy the interview!
Hello Demola and Busayo Abolarin, it is a pleasure to have you on Till We Say I Do Interviews! Please tell us a bit about yourselves.
Busayo (Wife) – I am Busayomi Abolarin. A pharmacist, singer, mother of two and married to Ademola Abolarin.
Demola (Husband) – I’m Demola Abolarin, I work as a resident hemotologist at University of Ilorin teaching hospital, Ilorin. I’m from Kwara state, married to a lovely wife with two great kids, love God and sports.
How long have you been married?
Busayo and Demola – 3 years.
Demola, how did you meet Busayo?
I met Busayo at work. She came to meet someone in my department and I complimented her aloud (I didn’t think she would hear me). She did, turned around to face me and the rest is history.
Busayo, was it love at first sight?
No, it wasn’t love at first sight.
So, what attracted you to Demola?
Lets see…it was his uniqueness. He believes so much in God and himself and does not allow the environment define or change who he is. For me thats solid.
Top three qualities you love about your spouse?
Busayo – Confident, considerate and a large heart.
Demola- Her honesty, intelligence and her love for God.
You must have heard about the 5 love languages. What are your love languages? What makes your love tank overflow?
Busayo – Quality time, acts of service and gifts.
Demola – I wouldn’t say I have specific love languages per se, but these are some of the things she does that makes me love her more:
- when she wears herself out trying to do something for me
- when I’m down and she gives me some encouragement
- her smile.
“I asked the Holy Spirit regularly for help and strength. I was determined to wait and put boundaries in place like not watching sexual things all the time or staying alone with the opposite sex in enclosed places.” – Busayo
Why did you decide to wait?
Busayo – Because it was the right thing to do and the bible says so.
Demola – For me, it was about trying to please God in my relationships. I also made up my mind not to jump from girl to girl. Most of my friends who were having sex got fed up after a few months or even weeks and broke up. This gave me some more motivation.
What practical steps did you take to make it possible?
Busayo– I asked the Holy Spirit regularly for help and strength. I was determined to wait and put boundaries in place like not watching sexual things all the time or staying alone with the opposite sex in enclosed places.
Demola – It wasn’t easy, I must tell you. What helped was that I actively avoided situations that could lead to me sleeping over. That took some resolve, especially when you are enjoying each other’s company.
Having the right type of friends also helped. Temptations were stronger when I had friends or close acquaintance who were doing what I did not want to do; when I kept my distance, things became easier.
“Having the right type of friends eliminates peer pressure.” – Demola
Why is sex worth waiting for?
Ademola – A lot of reasons. First, God commands us to wait and for a good reason too. Most couples who jump into sexual activities end up having only sex in common. It has a way of dominating the relationship and making other important things like communication seem irrelevant.
Stolen water is sweet, but later leaves a sour taste. Many people who jump into sex find themselves bored with their spouse and set off to find another high, leading to a lot of bitter, dejected single ladies and a lot of insatiable young men.
Finally, there is always a risk of an unwanted pregnancy. Premarital sex often ends up in a baby bump, leading to a critical decision: abortion or shame. A lot of young couples have needlessly scarred themselves by getting into this position.
Sex is the crux of marriage, the cream, the spice. If the sex life in a marriage is sour because the couple is bored with one another, then the only way is down.
It is worth the wait.
Any advice for young Christians?
Busayo –Know what you stand for and stick with it. Maintain constant fellowship with the Holy Spirit. Also surround yourself with the right people such as friends who are also willing to wait till marriage. Don’t let anyone define who you are but God’s word.
Demola – As I said earlier, I reduced the number of unbeliever friends I had. For the ones I had to keep, I kept my private life out of our discussions. Having the right type of friends eliminates peer pressure.
Identity also matters; once you are known to be a Christian, they might joke about your refusal to be like them, but they won’t pressurise you and keep away for fear of you reprimanding them. A double identity however, invites enormous pressure.
I found this interview very interesting and picked up some key points! Busayo and Demola spoke about the importance of godly friendships. It is very important to be surrounded by friends who have the same stance on purity.
I’m sure you picked up some points too, please share in the comment section. Thanks for reading!
P.S If you would like to be interviewed or know a christian couple who would love to be interviewed, please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
Stay blessed and have an awesome weekend!