Welcome to another edition of Till We Say I Do Interviews. If you want to catch up on previous editions, click here.
Today’s couple have chosen to remain anonymous for personal reasons. Just so you know, they are not imaginnery lol. I’m friends with Mrs A and and I remember we had a conversation about how they abstained from pre-marital sex a few years ago. So, I definitely knew I was going to interview them. I also think they are very very romantic!
Mrs A opens up about being sexually abused as a young child, how it broke her and eventually made her passionate about women.
Hello Mr and Mrs A, it is a pleasure to have you on Till We Say I Do Interviews! Please tell us a bit about yourselves.
Mrs A: I am an IT Project Manager by profession excitedly preparing for a change in career soon, a Christian who is totally sold out to Christ, a wife, mother and teacher. I have a passion to see women (sisters) fulfill all that God has called us to be. I am very involved in the women department of my parish.
Mr A : I am a son of God, a Properties sales manager, a loving husband and wonderful father if I do say so myself *laughs*
Mr A, how did you meet Mrs A?
I met her in church after a service. I actually walked over and struck a conversation because I had the leading to. During the service that day, while ministering, God told me that I would meet my wife and when the service ended the Holy Spirit lead me outside and directed me to go say hello. That was the first time we struck a conversation but a year before I had seen her at another church event. I was sharing refreshments to guests and served her (she got in late). I noticed her beauty but I wasn’t lead to speak to her that day.
Mrs A, what attracted you to Mr A?
His lips *covers face*. Before we ever struck up a conversation, his lips made me take a second look at him. When we finally became friends and started talking, I got attracted to his pure heart. My husband is a very sincere and trusting individual. He has no room in his heart for bitterness, envy, hatred, anger or unforgiveness and that really attracted me to him.
How long have you been married?
We have been married for about 4 years.
Describe your spouse in one word.
Mrs A: Amazing. I actually call him Mr Amazing.
Mr A: Awesome
I’ve noticed you both are very romantic! Who is more romantic and why?
*laughs* Funny enough, we tease each other that we are very unromantic! So when people say we are romantic, we are usually a bit surprised. We honestly just show how we feel about ourselves, no pretenses. I guess that is what people see and describe as romantic. We are very good friends; best friends actually so that vibe is there. We relate more as friends in love than as spouses. We sometimes even forget we are married because of how free we are with ourselves.
What are your love languages?
Mr A: Physical Touch
Mrs A: Acts of service
Why did you decide to wait?
Mrs A: I decided to wait because of my walk with God. I suffered abuse as a young child so for a long time I felt dirty and unworthy. I was too young to understand the depth of what happened but I carried that burden that maybe I wasn’t good enough that’s why it happened to me. The first time was at the age of 7 and it was a youth from church. Then it happened again with someone from the choir and the most damaging I would say was a minister who took advantage of me. It broke me and I just did not understand why I was being abused. Deciding to wait for me was as a result of finding myself in Christ – who I truly am and realizing that all that happened was not my fault. I refused to let the ill-actions of these trusted people ruin me. This is one of the reasons I am passionate about women. A lot of women have been abused in one way or the other and carry deep hurts (some from childhood) that are yet still fresh; like new…open wounds and this can in turn affect our seeds (children; biological or otherwise), family, esteem and our purpose which Christ has called us to if not properly handled. The decision to wait was a challenge to myself not to fall for the horrible voice of the devil which kept saying that I was unworthy of waiting because of the abuse.
Mr A: I was very involved in the children and teenager’s church while growing up so I didn’t have much room to be in situations that would cause me to engage in such activities and when I became a young adult I in turn started serving as a teenage teacher in church. The decision to wait was fuelled by the people I was teaching and who were looking up to me. I had to make them see that it was possible to wait.
“Also I knew that the decision to wait made him respect me and I didn’t want to lose that respect.” – Mrs A
What practical steps did you take to make it possible?
Mrs A : Delayed gratification. We knew we were going to get married so I looked forward to that special day. It didn’t seem unachievable as I was in a relationship. It might be abit difficult for someone who is single to fully utilize this since there is no partner to look forward to it with but it helped me.
Also I knew that the decision to wait made him respect me and I didn’t want to lose that respect. Whenever I felt weak I would remember the respect and hold body *laughs* I used to be quite full of myself so respect was a big deal to me.
I made friends with people of like minds. I made sure my friends were people who had the same values with me so we encouraged one another.
Mr A: Do not fall for the trick of masturbation. It would not help you. I prayed and believed that God would give me an awesome sexual life in marriage. My love language is physical touch so it wasn’t easy for me. One of the things I did was to avoid discussing masturbation which is a common topic among males. I also avoided consuming sexual materials whether written, audio or video. I took a cold bath when the urges seemed unbearable and went out for a run or to the gym to burn out the excess energy.
Mr & Mrs A: Don’t be alone with a member of the opposite sex for extended periods of time.
Don’t hug or encourage physical touch with members of the opposite sex.
Understand and appreciate your self-worth. Anyone asking you for your premarital sex is not encouraging you to be a vessel unto honour. Be willing to cut ties where necessary.
Avoid going into relationships when you know you do not want to get married anytime soon, don’t arouse or awaken love until it’s time.
Know yourself and what your triggers are and map out a plan to avoid those triggers. If one of your triggers is romantic books for e.g then dump them for more edifying materials. Know yourself.
Find someone more mature in faith to be accountable to. Please limit approaching someone who is unmarried lest things get complicated. Also limit it to the same sex please, do not choose someone of the opposite sex even if married to be accountable to if possible.
Be sensitive to what consumes your time. Fill your hours so that you do not have idle time. An idle mind can truly become the devil’s workshop.
Be part of a bible believing church where the true word of God is taught and be active.
Avoid being best friends with someone of the opposite sex as much as possible please.
Don’t underestimate the power of prayers.
Avoid going into relationships when you know you do not want to get married anytime soon, don’t arouse or awaken love until it’s time. – Mr and Mrs A
How did you deal with peer pressure?
Mrs A: I made friends with people of like values so there was no pressure to experiment in that aspect. I didn’t have friends who put such pressure on me.
For someone dealing with peer pressure I would advise that you change your circle of friends. Also, find a mentor who can encourage and help you deal with such pressures.
Above all, know who you are in Christ and be confident so that no one can fool you or make you feel less of who Christ has called you to be. Spend time knowing yourself and growing in your walk with God. Don’t be desperate to associate with any and everybody so that you are not easily swayed.
Mr A: For guys a lot of us hype things so don’t fall for the hype. Most times they are all lies and haven’ done what they are saying.
I attended a boy’s only school so it was common to hear sex talks. When I was younger I feel for the hype and would lie that I was doing stuff as well when I was not *laughs*. But by the time I got to senior secondary school I stopped engaging in such conversations and let people know the side I truly was on – the Lord’s side. If you let people see where you stand, they would be careful to say some things around you.
It was not as easy in the university though because you would have girls (some even from church) try all sorts of things to get in bed with you. I made sure to avoid such people and I refused to be alone with any girl. If there was no one around then we had to sit out in the open.
Sex is powerful, you join your body, soul and spirit with the other person when you sleep with them so it is not a casual activity. It takes only some minutes but it can actually ruin destinies. – Mrs A
Why is sex worth waiting for?
Mr A: Because it is mind blowing
Mrs A : lol
Mr A: Well, sex is worth waiting for because of that victorious feeling of achievement when you are able to wait. It makes you know that you are powerful in Christ and that your body does not rule you. It is also a good thing to have guiltless sex and explore as you want in the confines of marriage.
Mrs A: Firstly, it is worth waiting for because that is what God has commanded of us. If we say we are for Christ, then we need to adhere to his instructions. Also, sex is worth waiting for because like my husband said having guiltless sex is incomparable.
Practically, you also keep yourself safe from STDs and unwanted pregnancies. It also makes your relationships less complicated when you wait. Sex is powerful, you join your body, soul and spirit with the other person when you sleep with them so it is not a casual activity. It takes only some minutes but it can actually ruin destinies.
Any advice for young Christians?
Mr A: Always put God first.
Mrs A: “We fall down but we get up…”. If you have been engaging in premarital sex, pick yourself up. Like an adage says, it is when you wake up that is morning (though please do not wake up too late, the world is coming to an end soon). Do not let the guilt eat you up, take that decision to let the blood that Christ shed on the cross of Calvary not go to waste. Activate the power of that blood and ask for God to wash away the sin of immorality and help you stay pure.
If you have not engaged in premarital sex, kudos! Do not bed tempted to experiment. Don’t listen to the world and hold dear the teaching of our Lord. It is worth waiting.
Please, for Christians who are preparing to get married, take your counselling seriously. Do not neglect to read and educate yourselves about sex so that you go in with a balanced mind-set. It will not be all bombs at first but be willing to explore and know your likes and that of your spouse especially in the early days of your marriage. For Christians who have been molested or abused, please cast those burdens on the cross, and remember that it was of no fault of yours. That voice that keeps saying you are dirty is a lying voice, silence it with the authority in Christ. You will pull through by God’s grace.
In conclusion, don’t stop discovering with your spouse. You need to be friends so that open discussions can take place in your home. Be knowledgeable and read widely because changes will occur. Sex after a birth is another ball game so is sex during pregnancy.
Above all, do not neglect to make sure your core friends i.e. your inner circle are people of like values.
Who else feels this interview is loaded?! I sure do! Mrs A’s passion for women is evident in her responses.
Again, the importance of godly friendships cannot be over emphasised. Just as Mrs A said, if you have been engaging in premarital sex, do not let guilt eat you up, ask God to wash away the sin of immorality and help you stay pure.
Why not share this post with someone who needs to be encouraged, someone who needs to know that there are still christians abstaining from pre-marital sex.
Thanks for reading!
Have a fabulous looooong weekend.