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Sade’s Story

My heart beats faster at the sound of the approaching footsteps. I take a look at my reflection in the mirror again. My hair is neatly packed into a ponytail, no loose strands. My green dress sits nicely on my curvy frame, hugging my thighs slightly.

The footsteps stop and I hear his voice. He is answering a phone call.
I take another glance at the living room. It is very tidy. I had vacuumed twice already and a diffuser was plugged to give the house a fresh fragrance. All the throw pillows were carefully placed on the sofas. The coffee table and TV stand were shinning, there was no dust in sight.

I hear the end of his phone call “Bye Efe, see you later in the evening.”

My heart beats even faster. The bell rings.

I swallow deeply and walk towards the door.

“Hi Honey, welcome back.” I say as sweetly as possible.

“Excuse me!” He roars back and pushes me aside before entering the house. I stagger and almost lose my balance.

“Why is that throw pillow not in the middle?” He points to a throw pillow at the edge of a three seater sofa.

“No- nothing.” I stammer.

“You are just useless Sade. Home keeping skills zero, baby zero. The only thing you do is seat around here and get fatter.”

I offer no response. The last thing I want is to aggravate him.

“Hope you cooked something reasonable?” He asks.

“Yes, I did. I made your favourite. Pounded yam and seafood okra.” I reply and bend to pick up his briefcase which he dropped at the door.

“And where is it?” He glances at the dinning table.

“Its its still in the kitchen. I thought you would want to shower-”

“Oh, so I’m that predictable abi?” He responds and takes three steps towards me. I quickly move back so there is a sofa between us.

“I’m sorry Kayode. I’ll serve it straightaway.”

“You this woman, you better don’t provoke me!” He shouts and takes another step towards me. “I’m ministering in church today so don’t provoke me.”

I hold my breath and instinctively use my arms to shield my face. I wait for the slap or blow.

Instead he storms out of the living room.

I drop his briefcase on the coffee table to go serve his food but then pick it up because he doesn’t like things out of place.

I reheat the soup and unwrap the pounded yam from the layers of kitchen napkins I used to keep it warm. I dish the hot soup into a white rectangular ceramic bowl and place it in a tray beside the pounded yam.

I hear his footsteps descending the stairs and carry the tray into the living room. I place the tray on the dinning table and stand back while he pulls out a seat. He washes his hand and dips a finger into the bowl of soup.

I hold my breath.

“The soup is alright.” He says. I spent hours cooking the soup because he likes his okra chopped a certain way and insists I pound the yam in a mortar.

He moulds a morsel of pounded yam. “This pounded yam is too much. Do you expect me to fall asleep in church?” He says without glancing at my face.

“I’m sorry Kayode but the last time I made pounded yam, you said it was too small. Jor ma Binu.”I plead, rubbing my palms against each other.

“Why are you so daft Sade? Please leave this place!”

My shoulders slump as I walk away. Kayode cuts off what’s left of my self esteem daily.

Kayode paces the altar as he preaches. Moving about with confidence as his audience pay rapt attention. Even on a weekday, the auditorium is full.

I’m seated in front where ministers seat and the empty seat beside me belongs to Kayode.

I’m the perfect picture of a pastor’s wife. They call me mummy even though I’m only 32 years old. I wear fashionable modest dresses, minimal makeup and carry myself with grace like they say. Today, I’m wearing an Ankara dress from a top Nigerian designer, paired with orange court shoes.

I look at my husband and smile. I wonder how he does it. Being the charming pastor everyone likes and the beast of a husband.

“Lets all stand up and ask God for grace. Brothers and Sisters, His grace is sufficient for us.”Kayode says as he brings his sermon to an end.

I stand up and wince from the pain on my right shoulder. Kayode pulled me by my arm from the kitchen two nights ago to the living room just because his food was not hot enough.

Kayode leads the congregation in prayers for a few minutes and steps off the pulpit. He immediately kneels down beside me and bows his head to pray. A sister collects the offering and the service ends.

After the sermon, we exchange pleasantries with the other pastors and speak to some members of the church who come up to speak to us.

“Pastor we are very excited about getting married and we can wait!”We are speaking to a young couple who are getting married in two weeks time. They both look happy and very much in love.

“We are praying for you two.” Kayode reaches for my hands and I play along smiling beside him.

“We admire your marriage Pastor and Mummy. Just the way you two look at each other.” The lady continued.

I guess people only see what they want to believe.

“Yes pastor, you can’t complete a sentence without talking about your wife.”

We both laugh. “When you have a virtuous woman like mine, you can’t help it.” Kayode responded.

“We thank God.” I say.

Can’t anyone see the sadness in my eyes? The say being at the top is lonely and I agree. I have people around me who attend to me because I’m Pastor Kayode’s wife but I don’t have friends. Bisi and her family won the visa lottery two years ago and moved to the US. My parents and brother live far away in Kaduna.

As we drive home in silence, I remember how we both met. I saw the red flags but choose to ignore it.

I was invited to Grace Christian Centre by my friend Bisi. I had just moved to Lagos from Kaduna after I got a job in a Bank in Lagos. Bisi and I met at University of Abuja and she had always spoken about her church back at home and I decided to try it once I moved to Lagos.

I attended their second service on a Sunday morning and loved it immediately. It was very similar to my church back in Kaduna and I felt at home immediately. But I’ll say what got my attention the most was the handsome young pastor who preached.

I still remember the army green suit he had on that day. He looked like a model from a GQ magazine. He spoke with eloquence and the way he quoted Bible verses throughout his sermon left me in awe. Right there, I decided Grace Christian Centre was going to be my church

I joined the ushering team after going through their three months workers training school. Working in a small bank branch gave me the opportunity to close work early, so I was regular at mid week services.

Nine months in and I was waxing strong. The church had their annual worker’s dinner and to my uttermost surprise, I was awarded the Best Usher award. I believe Kayode noticed me as he presented the award to me.

After the event, I sat down waiting for a lift home with Bisi who was one of the organisers. I was chatting on my Blackberry phone, waiting for Bisi.

“Hello, our best usher.”

I looked up and saw Pastor Kayode standing in front of me.

“Good…Good evening Pastor.” Before then, I couldn’t remember having a one on one conversation with him.

“Sade right?”

“Yes pastor.” I got up and dropped my phone on the table.

“I must say I’m impressed. We all know being a worker in this church requires a high level of commitment. With our three services every Sunday.”

“Its God’s grace and I honestly enjoy it.”

“Thats good to know.” He reached for his wallet and pulled out his complimentary card. “Call me.” He said and handed the card to me.

“Okay pastor.” I replied.

He smiled and walked away.

That was how it all started. I told Bisi about my conversation with him and she encouraged me to call him.

Pastor Kayode was every woman’s dream. His slender frame, striking features and charisma made him the prayer point of sisters in the church. He had a very successful chain of businesses and drove the best cars. Rumor had it that at 35 he had never been in a relationship and was waiting for the right person.

I was 28 at the time and single. I had been praying to God for the bone of my bones and my family was beginning to put pressure on me. My mother didn’t understand why a beautiful and well behaved lady like me was still single at my age considering she got married at 23.

Not wanting to appear desperate, I called him 4 days later. He invited me out on a lunch date which I accepted and asked his driver to come pick me up.

I had made more effort with my appearance that day. Wore my favourite black dress and used make up which I rarely used. Kayode chose the restaurant and was already there when his driver dropped me off. The date went well. He asked me a lot of questions about myself, my family and my dreams. I told him, I was the first of two children and my family lived in Kaduna.

He told me he was an only child and grew up with his mother in Jos. I mean what were the odds, both of us were Yorubas who grew up in the north. We could speak Hausa fluently. He didn’t mention his dad and I didn’t want to probe.

Kayode proposed marriage three months after. We had seen each other every weekend even with his very busy schedule. He took me to fancy places I had never been to. He bought me expensive gifts, wristwatches, perfumes, bags. I began to fall in love with him. When he asked me to marry him, I said I needed more time to get to know him better and he said he just wanted to make his intentions known since he didn’t believe in dating, just courtship.

I was too excited at the prospect of being his wife and to be honest, I didn’t see any reason to refuse his proposal. He was God fearing, good looking, very successful and loved me.

I informed Bisi of Kayode’s proposal, her words to me were “Sade pray seriously about it. Marriage is for life.” I thought she was jealous because she got married to her childhood sweetheart who was a vice principal in a secondary school ans they had a combined modest income.

As Kayode’s wife, I would have the finest things of life. My parents were not poor but we couldn’t afford luxuries while I was growing up. My mum was a petty trader and my dad was a teacher in a government secondary school.

I said yes to Kayode and our courtship began. I was practically walking on cloud nine for the first few months till I began to notice certain things. The first happened when we were both invited for a wedding by a church member. By this time, the church was aware of our intending union and I was the envy of many sisters.

Kayode came to pick me up for the wedding and I was running late. I went to the salon earlier to straighten my hair and it took longer than I expected. He refused to come in and waited in his car. I dashed out of the house with my shoes in one hand and purse in another.

“Kay, I’m so sorry.” I pleaded and tried to peck him when I got into the car.

“You are very very stupid Sade! How could you have gone to the salon first when you knew we had a wedding for 10 am?”

My eyes flew open and I looked at the face of the man who was speaking.

“Did you just call me stupid Kayode?

“Yes I did. That was very stupid of you!” he shouted.

“So is that why you had to call me-” I saw his hand move quickly and it landed on my face.

Without saying another word, my hands shaking, I opened the door and stepped out of the car.

“Come back here! Sade!” I heard him call back.

I went into my house and locked the door behind me. My hands were shaking. Did the man I was about to get married to just hit me? I desperately wanted to speak to someone about what had just happened. I picked up my phone to call Bisi but decided against it. How could I tell her Pastor Kayode hit me?

I didn’t speak to Kayode for a week after that. He called me several times, showed up at my office and at my house but I ignored him. During service the following Sunday, he sent a message pleading with me to wait after church and I accepted because I had missed him too.

He drove to our favourite restaurant where he had made a reservation for private dining.

“Baby, I’m so sorry for hitting you. I don’t know what came over me.” He pleaded.

“I didn’t tell you but I used to deal with anger issues in the past before I gave my life to Christ.” He continued. I thought I had overcome it till last Saturday. I’m so sorry.”

“Kayode, how could you?”

“I’m so sorry.” His eyes welled up with tears. “Please forgive me.”

“Kayode, if this EVER happens again, I’ll call off the wedding.”

“I promise, It won’t.”

Our relationship continued and it was as if that incident never happened. Kayode was more loving, patient and he went the extra mile. We travelled to Kaduna where he met my parents and they loved him. We set a wedding date and started planning our wedding.

Then it happened again.
A month to our wedding, we were in his office discussing final wedding arrangements.

“Kay, I want a different cake.”

“You must be joking.” He said. “This is the third time you are changing your mind.”

I pouted.”Its my wedding and I have the right to change my mind. Besides, it’s not like the cake has been baked already.”

“Okay fine.” He said.

“I want one more bridesmaid.”

“Okay? Suit yourself Sade!”

“Meaning, you have to get one more groomsman.”

“You must be joking. We already have 8 groomsmen.”

“I want one-”

The slap on my face sent me reeling backwards.

“Kayode, you…you slapped me?” I held my palm to my cheek.

“And I’ll do it again! You bitch.” His eyes were filled with so much rage, I didn’t recognise him.

I picked up my bag and got up. “I’m so done.”

I was almost at the door when he grabbed my hand. “Sade please I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Kayode leave me alone!” I tried to move my hand from his grasp.

“I’m so sorry.” He held on to my hand and went on his knees. “I don’t know what came over me. Baby I’m so sorry.” He was crying.

I fell to my knees in front of him. “Kayode why? How do I know this won’t happen again?”

“Baby, I promise it won’t.” He wiped the tears flowing down my cheeks and pulled me into an embrace. We remained that way for a while and I decided to forgive him.

Kayode needs my help to overcome his anger issues, I thought.


“Aren’t you getting off or do you want to sleep in the car?”

“Oh.” I didn’t realise we had gotten home.

Kayode slams the door. I take off my seatbelt and open the car door.

What is it going to be tonight? What fault is he going to find? Kayode’s outbursts of anger only got worse after we got married. At first it was just shouting and then he stared hitting me. In the three years we’ve been married it’s been hell.

I wanted to speak to someone about it but I remembered the advice my mum gave me on our wedding day. She said, “do not discuss any problem between you and your husband. If anything is wrong, talk to God about it.” People see us as the perfect couple. We switch into our roles perfectly when we are in public.

I open the front door and he’s sitting on the sofa with a glass in his hand. He drinks brandy almost every night.

“Sade, I’ll be up in five minutes, so be ready for me.”

My heart sinks. Right now sex is just a routine. Kayode forces himself on me. Last time I protested, he beat me up so badly.

“Okay.” I mumble.

As I walk up the stairs, I look at out wedding pictures lined up on the wall. I looked so happy. We had a society wedding. We used the best vendors in the wedding industry as Kayode spared no expense and our wedding was even featured on Bella Naija.

How could I have known the misery I was signing myself up to?

Kayode’s mum has been on my neck because we haven’t given her grandchildren yet. How do I tell her I’m on the pills to prevent pregnancy.

Who would want to raise up children in this type of environment?

I begin to undress quickly and pack my hair into a ponytail. My husband’s rage has left marks all over my body.
I lie under the duvet to wait for him. The door opens and he comes in. I turn my face in the opposite direction as he undresses.

He gets on the bed and I close my eyes tightly. The only way I get through this is to get my mind far away. Far away from my reality.

I remember the young lady I was who once believed in happily ever afters. Who wanted to get married to a man like her daddy because he was the sweetest man she knew. Who was not willing to settle but wait for God’s best.

I know this is a rather sad story but this story was prompted by a post on Instagram about domestic violence.

The signs are always there, please do not ignore them. Don’t be fooled by all the supposedly good qualities he has. You are not his saviour, let him get help if he needs it.

For anyone in an abusive marriage please speak up and do not endanger your life.

Thanks for reading.

If you enjoyed this story, please share it with someone else.


Through the Waters 13

Sope scanned the aisles for what she was looking for. It was at the far right corner of the store. She walked briskly and picked up a pack and carefully hid it beneath the pack of biscuit in her shopping basket.

She eyed the till and decided to wait for it to clear up. There were five people there. She didn’t want them looking at her and judging her especially as she had no wedding ring on. She walked towards the medicine aisle, pretending to be reading the dosage on a box of painkillers.

She wandered around a bit more more until the till was clear before proceeding to pay for her items.

As she drove home, she thought of how disappointed her family would be if she was pregnant. She didn’t want to upset them because they were all so excited about the forthcoming wedding. At least, Yinka was in love with her. So, he would do right by getting married to her before it became obvious she was pregnant.

She couldn’t wait to be Mrs Mosope Da-Silva. No, Mrs Mosope Yinka Da-Silva. A smile spread across her face at the thought.

She parked in front of the house and turned off the engine. Placed the pregnancy kit in her bag and zipped it up. Just in case her dad was at home. As she approached the front door, she heard voices, aunty Abi was around. She didn’t see her car parked outside though.

Sope opened the door with her keys and contemplated going straight upstairs without saying hello but then thought better because they must have heard the sound of her car.

She stepped into the living room and saw her dad, aunty Abi and a lady she knew from her dad’s church.

“Daddy good evening sir, Aunty Abi good evening.” She turned to face the other lady “good evening.”

“Good evening Sope, bawo ni?” Tunji responded.

“Good evening dear, welcome back.” Abimbola responded.

“Sister Sope welcome. It’s even good you are around. Oya, please help us choose between the two Aso Oke which one you prefer.” She pointed towards two Aso oke strips spread on the coffee table.

Really? Did they have to drag me into this?

“Yes Sope, we need a second opinion. It’s for our engagement. You know, you people are more current and trendy.” Abimbola said.

She managed a weak smile and looked at the two strips. They both had similar colours: turquoise and silver. She pointed towards the one with a simpler pattern.”I prefer this, it’s more…”

“We told you!” Tunji and the Aso Oke lady cut in.

“Okay okay, you both win. I like both of them anyways.” Abimbola responded. “Thanks Sope.”

Sope left them and went upstairs to her room.


Sope cursed under her breath as she struggled with her vision because of the heavy downpour. She hated driving in the rain.

She had a rough night. Sleep eluded her after discovering she was pregnant. She felt a mixture of emotions all at once. Fear, shock, panic.

As soon as it was dawn and bright enough to go out, she had her bath and drove to Yinka’s house. She had to tell him in person. This was not to type of news to break over the phone.

Why was it even raining at this time of the year? It was probably a sign from God to punish her. She had to get to Yinka’s house and no rain was stopping her.


Bode had just finished his quiet time. One of the reasons be loved Saturdays was that it gave him more time to spend with God than the usual thirty minutes he spent during weekday mornings.

While he was praying, he heard the Holy Spirit minister to him. He was led to read Proverbs 18:22. He wasn’t sure what the verse contained till he opened his Bible.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” He smiled when he realised it was a very popular verse.

God was surely speaking to him. Earlier in the week, he received a call from his pastor from University, Pastor Silas, who he hadn’t spoken to in ages.

He had just gotten home from work and was fixing himself a quick dinner of noodles and boiled egg when his phone rang. He was shocked to see the call was coming from Pastor Silas. He replayed the conversation they had.

“Hello, Pastor Silas, good evening Sir.’’

“Hello, Brother Bode.’’

“Wow, I was shocked when I saw your call coming in.’’

Bode heard him chuckle “I know Bode, I can’t remember the last time we spoke. Hope this is not a bad time to call?”

“No, its not Sir.” He left the kitchen and went to sit in the living room.

“Okay good. I have a word from the Lord to you.’’


“Yes Bode, God gave me a message for you. I was praying when I received the revelation from the Lord. He told me to read 1 Samuel 30. David and his men came back to find that their camp in Ziglag had been invaded by the Amalekites. They had carried their wives, sons and daughters. The bible says David and his men cried till they had no more strength to cry. Hello? Are you still there brother Bode?’’

“I am Sir.”

“Ok good. As I was saying, David and his men cried till they could cry no more. And we both know men don’t cry.” He chuckled. “The bible goes on to tell us that David encouraged himself in the Lord. He asked God if he should pursue and overtake them and God said yes.”

At this point, Bode, was wondering what He was trying to tell him.

“I’m sure you remember how that story ended. David recovered what the Amalekites took away. In fact, the Bible says, David recovered ALL. Brother Bode, God has asked me to tell you that you’ll recover all that the enemy as stolen from you. I don’t know what it is but God has asked me to tell you it’s your season of restoration.

Bode was stunned. “I don’t…don’t know what to say Sir. I’m- ”

“Brother Bode, I can’t remember the last time I called you. In fact, I had to get your number from Seun because I remember you two were very close back in Uni. But God told me to deliver this message to you. I don’t know what you’ve lost but God says you’ll recover all.’’

At this point, tears were flowing down Bode’s cheeks. He couldn’t fathom God’s love. The fact that God was speaking through someone he hadn’t spoken to in ages. He knew God loved him, but this- this was too much.

“Thank you very much Sir, I’m very grateful Sir.”

“We thank God brother Bode. Sorry, I have to rush off now. I have to head down to the chapel for bible study.’’

“Okay Sir. Thank you very much.”

“You are welcome. Remain blessed.”

Bode smiled and threw his fists in the air. He was going to speak to Nene about marrying her.


“Yinka say something please!”

Sope was in Yinka’s living room. She had just broken the news of her pregnancy to him and got no reaction whatsoever from Yinka. She was pacing about the living room while Yinka was seated comfortably on a sofa with a glass of orange juice in his hand.’’

“Madam Sope what do you want me to say?”

She stopped pacing and faced him. “It’s funny how I’ve suddenly become a madam to you.” She hissed.

“Okay, what do you want me to say my darling Sope?” He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Oh please, don’t patronise me!”

“Sope please stop shouting. Its too early in the morning. Don’t wake my neighbours up. Look, we are adults here.” He dropped the glass of orange juice on the coffee table. “It’s not like I raped you. We both had fun, that’s why you kept coming back.’’ He winked.

She knelt in front of him. “Yinka, I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused…a baby out of wedlock is unheard of in my family.’’

“It’s a no brainer babe, you’ll get rid of it.’’

Sope recoiled as if she had been slapped. His words sent her reeling backwards and she landed on the floor with her backside. “ I didn’t hear you well.”

“I said terminate the damn pregnancy!” Yinka shouted and sprung to his feet. “What were you expecting?” He drove his fingers through his afro. “That I’ll let you keep it? What do you want my family to say?’’

“Yinka I thought we were going to get married.’’


“Yes…you…you said you were in love with me. What have we been doing this last one year?”

“Me? Marry YOU? You must be out of your mind.”

Sope thought she was dreaming, she pinched herself hard, just in case but it hurt. She got back on her knees and crawled towards him. “Yinka, it’s me, Mosope.’’ She smiled “Your princess.” She reached for his legs but he moved back and she almost lost her balance.

“Look here Sope, I’ve told you the only solution. Get rid of that pregnancy. And as for marriage, I’m getting married to Bunmi Falana, the governor’s daughter. We just got back together about two months ago.’’

Sope was crying uncontrollably. Bunmi Falana? The socialite? Yinka told her they dated while they were at university but that ended over five years ago.

But Yinka said he loved her. She didn’t understand. So why was he getting married to someone else? What would happen to her? To their baby?

She felt used.


She got up and picked her car keys from the table. “Yinka, God will judge you. He’ll surely punish you for what you did to me.”

“Oh now you remember God, madam two goody shoes. When you were frolicking up on down on my bed, you didn’t remember God then.’’

“Yinka you are a very WICKED and HEARTLESS man.’’

“Oh please spare me! Didn’t you enjoy all the gifts and attention? All the times I took you out shopping, bought you those expensive perfumes and shoes. Did you think it was for nothing?’’

Sope picked up her handbag and walked towards the front door.

“You know Sope, I thought you were going to play hard to get forever. You came across as little Miss I love Jesus, but I’ve always loved a challenge. And I must say you were a very good one.’’


Thanks for reading guys. One episode to conclude this series. Please leave a comment, I’ll love to hear from you.

Life Update – Guess who got married?!

*Dusts off thick cobwebs and clears throat*

Happy new year blog family!!

So, a lot has happened since the last time I posted on my blog.


I got married to the love of my life.


2017 was an eventful year to say the least. I completed my ACCA exams, got engaged, moved to another country and got married.

God blew my mind last year, honestly.

I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep concerning this blog but it’s one of my goals for 2018. I finally got around to continuing Through the Waters because I have not been able to write another story because I didn’t complete it. It was God’s way of teaching me a lesson about not leaving projects incomplete.

So, just in case you are still interested, I’ll start posting the continuation tomorrow and I’ll try to post twice a week. If you haven’t read Through the Waters, you can catch up on previous episodes here. It’s a very good story.

I wish you all a glorious 2018. I pray you experience God’s favour like never before. I’ll just leave you with my bible verses for this year from Proverbs 3: 5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.


P.S: I want to move from WordPress to my own domain, if you know any graphics designer or anyone who can help me out, please holla.

P.P.S: My friend, Ngozi has offered to conduct Till We Say I do Interviews for Mr O and I. So, stay tuned!!!

Till We Say I Do Interviews – David and Janet James


Trust your week has been good!

On the blog today, we interview David and Janet James. I stumbled on Janet’s Instagram’s page a few months ago, I can’t remember what she posted but I remember being drawn to her page. So I decided to stalk a bit and discovered they had just gotten married and also had a website.

I went on their website (please see link below), read about how they met and I I was attracted to them because of their stance on purity.

I contacted her via Instagram and I’m so happy they both decided to grant us this interview.

So grab some popcorn and enjoy the interview.

Hello David and Janet James, it is a pleasure to have you on Till We Say I Do Interviews! Please tell us a bit about yourselves.

David : I would like to characterize my life as a God lover and God chaser. I daily embrace God’s grace to live a life pleasing to Him by hosting the spirit of God in my day to day activity. I am committed and driven by passion and destiny to accomplish God’s ordained purpose for my life and excited at the opportunity to inspire people to likewise do the same. I am a father and loving husband.

I have a Bachelor’s degree in Computing and currently pursing a Masters in Business Administration(MBA) with a focus on finance. I am a software developer by profession with an entrepreneurial mind and skillset. I love music, poetry, drama and often enjoy a good read.

I have been called into several ministries, including the prophetic, evangelistic, pastoral ministries, and praise and worship.

As a worship leader I am the founder of Kingdom Levite Choir (!/profile.php?id=143624309003885&ref=content_filter)with upcoming events scheduled for the up coming year and  beyond.

Janet: I am a child of God, a Born-Again believer with heaven-bound convictions. I am a God chaser, devoted wife in support of my husband’s dreams, and a mother to our first born.

I have a college degree in Paralegal Studies and aso a Bachelors degree in Liberal Arts with a minor in Government and Politics from  Saint John’s University NY.

I am a Paralegal by profession and I have recently been accepted to Law School to continue my education in becoming a Solicitor and Barrister with the aim to work with the mental health population.

I love catering to my family, seeing people worldwide come to the knowledge of Jesus Christ. I am also a future author working on a book soon to be published.

How long have you been married?
1 year 4 weeks.

How did you meet? 

David: Early 2014, God started speaking to me regarding modesty in the church, that women ought to dress with modesty not adorning themselves with ornaments as 1 Peter 3:3 “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel ” explains.

God impressed upon my heart that today’s fashion which includes women wearing that which pertains to a man was against His will and that it was a cause of increase in homo sexual behaviours amongst children and adults today. Being there’s no distinct difference from both sexes hence affecting children’s judgment of their sexuality; Deuteronomy 22:5 . God expounded to me that many other fashion trends seen in most Pentecostal churches were suggestive that God’s work from creation wasn’t perfect. i.e. women wearing make up.

During this period, I was praying to God in the area of marriage and looking around. I knew God was talking to me with regards to marriage in the area of who he had in mind for me to being a woman who is not given to following these worldly trends and who is publicly open about such convictions as mine.

After further seeking God’s face, I felt led to search the deeper life youth facebook page and after several searches, I came across Janet’s post. In her post she mentioned that the general overseer of the Deeper Christian life church, pastor Kumuyi had advised the church to be careful so that we don’t get faulted by Deut. 22:5 in the day of judgement. After further browsing of her page, I noticed she had written lots of blogs and posts concerning her convictions on modesty and purity.

On seeing this, I felt led to contact her and she informed me to find out about the deeper life procedure, of which I did, visiting the Deeper Life Church UK headquarters in the UK and further contacting the New Jersey church branch.

After our first contact, I had continued to pray more about her and continued to get more confirmations.

Janet: On August 1st, unknown to me my husband stricked up a conversation with me via Facebook, encouraging me about the preaching of my convictions on the blog I had as a single and social media.

I didn’t know who he was but a sister I know cheered me on to respond to him and not ignore him; so I asked him why he was led and encouraged by the posting of my convictions and he went through so many scriptures as we kept talking back and forth.

He stated during the conversation he had been praying and observing me from afar and wanted to get to know me for the intention of marriage. I told him I don’t deal with request like these on Facebook(any longer) and he would have to contact my marriage committee and leaders within the Deeper Life Bible Church in New Jersey I was attending at the time.

During that time I added him on Facebook and didnt know if he woud really contact my church or not.  He ended up contacting my church; a few months later I get a call from my pastors wife in support of my husband’s  request to pursue me in courtship. I was told to pray.

Through researching him online, a God inspired list of qualities in a husband  I had written down which included a man who loved God, educated, was gifted musically, among others things, alongside ultimately reading the Bible and coming to a verse in 1st Samuel, as well as attaining peace I believed David T. James was my husband.

We started courtship  January 2015, and were permitted to meet in person for the first time May 2015 which further solidified our love and knowing truly God brought us together for a purpose.


What do you like most about being married?

David: I like everything about being married! That is a an interesting yet difficult question but if you really want me to say something, having a companion to travel life with ; a comforter , a helpmeet is what captures my admiration for marriage and my wife.

Janet: Knowing my husband has a divine purpose from God ministerially, business wise, and educationally and likewise for me, makes me continuously excited to grow with my husband and watch our future unveil itself.

Also knowing I chose a God led man makes me excited to pursue intimacy in a safe space and produce children that will be loved and raised in the way of the Lord!


What are your love languages? 

David: My wife’s primary love language is words of affirmation.

Janet: My husband’s primary love language is Acts of Service.

”The decision to abstain from pre-marital sex should  be the goal of every believer desiring Christian courtship ”- David
Describe your spouse in 3 words.

David: Reliable, Faithful, Virtuous

Janet: Loving, Encouraging, Wise


Why did you decide to abstain from pre-marital sex?

David: The descision to abstian from pre-marital sex should  be the goal of every believer desiring Christian courtship.

The benefits of such decision include attracting God’s blessings on the union, eliminating issues that may arise as a result of distrust , and ultimately securing a  lifetime testimony of faithfulness  to God in purity.

”I did everything within God’s strength in me to continue to allow my husband to pursue me. Now we are married he is grateful I made him wait!” – Janet

Janet: I came from a past where l didn’t hold abastaining from sex in a high regard. Once I became born again and started truly living out a relationship with Christ, I started following the scripture principles on staying sexually pure till marriage.

This verse was especially one I meditated on concerning marriage “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4

If we honor God with our life and body then He sure will honor our beds to be undefiled.

Also as ladies the economics of sex says we hold the power in giving up of sex. If we don’t give it up, men are still wired to pursue a woman they want to make love to, despite the information and porn filled age we live in. So ladies if you know a man wants to pursue you for the intention of marriage, this comes with a high desire to keep you exclusively for himself and be physically intimate with you.

I did everything within God’s strength in me to continue to allow my husband to pursue me and now we are married he is greatful I made him wait!

What practical measures did you take to abstain from pre-marital sex? 

David: Abstaining from late night conversations; being in public places at night. Hanging out together around friends and family.

Ultimately allowing the marriage committee within our church to stir the direction of the relationship while prayerfully asking God for grace.

Janet: One thing my husband forgot to mention is he had a bunch of bible verses as his background wallpaper on him, helping him run away from temptation by keeping focussed on being pure in body and MIND. Sexual temptation is a mind thing way before it becomes the physical act of sexual intercourse.

Another thing we did was put our faces as our phone screensaver so we could grow more affectionate for each other. We didn’t grow up together and we only met first in the spiritual realm via our prayers and the first time ever in person a little over year before our wedding. So the more I looked into my husband eyes via video chat and pictures, the more I was excited to wait only for HIM for marriage.

A problem in some relationships is also stepping out of a courtship to be sexually intimate with another person! (It’s sad).

We also stopped video chatting less at night. I say this because there was always a 6-8 hour time zone  difference because he lived in the UK and I in America. So talking at night couldn’t really stop.

We also both worked and were students; so we stopped video chatting and made conversations only verbal to avoid romantic phrases and riské loose house clothings that may show our intimate parts and or arouse our parts because of our close prayers and sharing of our past secrets.  (I believe intimate  conversations close to the honeymoon night as you prepare for your honeymoon night should be normal).

”Sexual temptation is a mind thing way before it becomes the physical act of sexual intercourse.”- Janet

Did you face temptation? How did you deal with peer pressure?

David: Temptations during this period are real because you are emotionally and physically drawn to your future spouse. You two are communicating every day on a plethora of issues. It was important to realize the reality of temptations and so I decided to do all I could to not fall in the trap of sexual impurity.

Janet: Not sure what else I can add in addition to what my husband mentioned above. I would say there were clear boundaries laid out in the beginning of our courtship.

We both didn’t believe we couldn’t go out just us two together but we chose public places and it worked out fine. We were often in the car together just us two driving to church or pre-marital counselling but we knew the Holy Spirit was there.

I did everything within God’s strength in me to continue to allow my husband to pursue me. Now we are married he is grateful I made him wait!

Why is sex worth waiting for?

David: Sex is worth waiting for because  it brings God’s blessings on the union, eliminates issues that may arise as a result of distrust  and ultimately secures a lifetime testimony of faithfulness to God in purity.

Janet: Kissing and sex is worth waiting for because after exploring your soon to be spouse mentally, it is so special once you’ve made a public commitment before God and the public to express your love for each other physically, which is what the Bible calls for.

We are to be intimate with our spouse because our bodies are wired for sexual touch and so to avoid temptations we are to have one partner for life.

Any advice to young Christians?

David: Falling into sexual sin, does not have to be the norm in a Christian courtship. No matter what you have done you should repent, seek God for forgiveness and rededicate your life and relationship to God. Godly counsel should be sought as well when necessary.

Janet: I feel like I gave a lot of advice above in my other answers.

But you might have the head knowledge of all we said above and the Bible’s stance on sex and may fall into forplay (kissing, fundling, sexting) or intercourse, if so, just repent and don’t walk in shame! Jesus Christ came for you. He didn’t condemn you. Repent and now walk in forgiveness.

Also all God ordained courtships and marriages are to be examples to the world.

A prayer point for all Christians should be: God make me an example of your good works Amen.

To stay in cotanct with us you can follow us on


David: @davidmojames

Janet: @janetmojames


David James

Janet Adeola James


Thanks for reading!!

Have a blessed weekend.

Oh small chops! How I miss thee!

Hi People!

So I’ve been thinking about writing this post lately. I finally got round to it.

I left Lagos a couple of months ago and moved back to the UK. Surprisingly, I don’t miss Lagos as much as I did when I first moved to the UK a little over 11 years ago.

Apart from the constant sunshine, here are some of the things I miss:

1. Small Chops – you’ll agree with me that a Lagos wedding is incomplete without small chops! In my opinion, it’s even more important than party rice. I know I can vuy springrolls and samosa in Iceland but what of the dodo masa, puff puff, peppered gizzard/chicken?!

I mean, it’s not only at weddings or owambes you get small chops. There was a time we got 3 or 4 packs of small chops a week at work because it was someone’s birthday. Nobody had to tell me to stop receiving those small packs of yumminess when I began struggling to fit into my clothes.

2. Mama Tee- I’m sure you are wondering what Mama Tee is lol. If you work in Lagos Island, you should know. Well, except you are extra posh. Mama Tee is a buka in one the carparks in Marina. My colleagues and I would head there during lunch time to buy some rice, beans, pepper stew, ponmo, roundabout, shaki, boiled egg, fried rice, jollof rice, dodo. Not every item of course!

3. My Church: I attended RCCG Wisdom City in Surulere with my sister. We discovered that church after trying a couple of churches before settling there. I miss the church services especially thanksgiving service. Our pastor would ask couples celebrating their wedding anniversary to show some PDA and it was soo much jokes!

4. Office Banter: I mean, the fact that everyone is Nigerian and gets all your jokes. I miss the mini photo sessions we used to have in the mornings. Someone decides to take a selfie and next thing you know, it turns into several usfies.

I remember when I told my friend who lived in the UK that my colleagues in Nigeria were my friends and she found it odd. Now I understand. Here, it’s just a lot of small talk about the weather, holiday plans, weekend plans etc.

I remember the first work dinner I attended, it was a leaving dinner for someone retiring. So drinks were scheduled for an hour before the actual dinner. It was my second week in the company and I was still trying to settle in. Unknown to me, during drinks, we were expected to chat for an hour on our feet. Boy, did I struggle. From having to strike up conversations and knowing when to laugh/smile. Let’s just say your girl was glad when it was time for dinner. Surely, I wouldn’t have struggled with making small talk if I was in Nigeria. But I’m learning now.

5. Suya: you’ll probably notice that I seem to miss food a lot. We’ll, that’s because I’m a foodie! There is this suya joint on Akerele we used to frequent. Per Nigerian style, no queues, so it was about who could hustle better. Thanks to my friend who used to help me buy. Although, I can buy suya here, I just haven’t tried it. Maybe, I’ll be desperate enough one day. I also know I can make mine, I’ve read amazing reviews about Foodace’s suya spice. Maybe one day…

6. Getting my hair done: sigh…sigh…sigh… Need I say more?!

7. Street snacking: yes another food item lol. I think working in Lagos Island for two and a half years made me more adventurous with street food/snacking. I miss boiled corn and coconut, Red Oaks plantain chips, boiled groundnut, sugar cane, boli and roasted groundnut, Cotonou pineapple.

Have you had to relocate? What did you miss most? Please share in the comment section.

I have a very interesting interview coming up this Friday, so please stop by!



Till We Say I Do Interviews – Chinedu and Agnes Ossai

Hello 😀

Thank God is Fri-yay! Fridays are my favorite days for obvious reasons lol. I go to work with a bounce in my steps knowing that there is no work for the next two days.

We have our second edition of Till We Say I Do Interviews. If you missed the first one, click here. 

On the blog today, we interview Chinedu and Agnes Ossai. I’ve known them for a little over 4 years and always seen them as two people who are clearly in love with one another. The way they hold hands, the names they call each other and just the friendship between them.

My sisters and I went to visit them a while back and we watched their wedding video and they told us how they met. When we got back home, I told my sisters that I really liked them!

Without further ado, let’s get to the interview, shall we?


Hello Chinedu and Agnes Ossai, it is a pleasure to have you on Till We Say I Do Interviews! Please tell us a bit about yourselves.

Chinedu (Husband)- Chinedu Ossai is a lawyer by profession. One of three boys from a family with three other female siblings of the Ukwuani descent of Delta State. Most importantly, a Christian.

Agnes (Wife)– My name is Agnes Ossai. I have a degree in Education and proud to be an Educator. I love to impart youngsters, enjoy giving godly counsel to singles also enjoy listening to godly music.

How long have you been married?

We’ve been married for 5 years.

How did you meet?

Chinedu – We were in the same youth choir, I was a secret but platonic admirer of her simple disposition to life, especially the Christian faith. At the time when it became evident that I needed to start preparing by way of prayer before tying the nuptial knot, I became drawn to her. The more I tried to resist the inner assurance that it was her, the more I became drawn to her. I just had to let it be.

Please note that we attended the same primary and secondary school and almost attended the same university, grew up in the same community in Lagos, but all these factors did not in any way influence my decision to marry her. It was just love for simplicity and display of Christianity in a most alluring way. Got the ball rolling in 2010 and tied the knot on January 14 2012.

Agnes – My Chinedu happened to be a family friend. He was a leader and choirmaster in my church. One day, he came visiting as usual and I saw him off. As I returned, I heard an audible voice from God that he was my husband. I objected immediately but couldn’t resist. He asked me out after a while then I remembered I heard God’s voice.


Did you have a “list” for your future spouse? If yes, what did you have on the list?

Chinedu – Simplicity, humility, educated, not eccentrically extrovertish, natural beauty, all embedded in the Christian life.

Agnes –I did oh. A Godly man; tall, dark and handsome; a man who will always take me for who I am and loves me more than I do; someone who says I love you frequently without the need to remind him to say so; someone who would gist with me in the kitchen while I cook; not stingy at all; a man who will not encourage me to backslide… my list was long but I’ll stop here.

The truth is that, my man, my love has all and more of the qualities I listed above, making me the happiest wife in the world!

Describe your spouse in on word.

Chinedu – Christian

Agnes – Mr. Fantastic

 Why did you decide to wait?

Chinedu – Because God wanted me to wait. I also grew up with friends who had the same resolve and I also prayed for the grace to wait.

Agnes- We are both Christians and the Bible says that marriage is honourable and the bed undefiled. Also, I had always told myself I want to start having sex only after I have gone to the altar.

“Sex is sweet only when having it with your husband. The rush will not be there and you’ll take your time to enjoy it to the fullest.” – Agnes

 What practical steps did you take to make it possible?

Agnes – We tried as much as possible not to get too close together when we were alone or where people couldn’t see us. Avoided thoughts of immorality when together, we did not try to hug each other before marriage, let alone kissing. Though the thought was always there, I kept reminding myself of the promise I made. I also didn’t want to disappoint my parents and the church.


 How did you deal with peer pressure?

Chinedu – Peer pressure was no issue because from my youthful age, I defined the rule of friendship engagement. The church helped a whole lot to define who could be my friend. At school, I had christians from the school fellowship as friends; on campus, my close friends were christians, though not restricted to my denominational fellowship.

The deciding factor for me was that my christian identity and standard was an open secret at every point of my developmental stage. I never attended any birthday parties at unholy hours not at unholy places.

I never pretended to be a holy genius. Hence, I was careful and cautious in my approach to life. A lady once admired my lips and requested to touch it but I refused. That is not to say, I never had near falls but God’s mercy was always there for me. Job 31:1 was a song among my peer group while growing up and this helped a whole lot.

Agnes – Well, it was easy quite easy for me because I was brought up in a godly home. I am a gentle girl and have very few friends and always minded my business.

“Never test your strength by putting yourself in a compromising situation.” – Chinedu

Why is sex worth waiting for?

Chinedu – Those who waited found out after all that there was no need to rush for it. The intermittent urge for it prior to marriage won’t kill. There is a joy that comes after a patient wait. The opportunity to share the experience is also a reason to wait. Also, blackmail and STDs are also avoided.

Agnes –Wow sex is worth waiting for! Doing it outside marriage is like “thieving”. One would be doing it with the fear of being caught. Having that type of fear doesn’t make pre-marital sex worth it cause you’ll just be punishing yourself. Sex is “sweet” only when having it with your husband. The rush will not be there and you’ll take your time to enjoy it to the fullest.


 Any advice for young Christians?

Chinedu- Young Christians must have life principles that are worth dying for. Watch where they go, what they see and whom they choose as friends. A chirstian leader told me few weeks after his wedding, which was prior to mine, why the rush? Just wait for it, you’ll enjoy it and get tired of it.

Never test your strength by putting yourself in a compromising situation. Learn to say no to even supposed Christian friends in compromising situations. Idleness is a killer and a veritable tool in the hands of the devil; be busy with something productive for the lord also. Selah

Agnes- Young Christians should patiently wait for the right person. Abstain from all pre-martial sex because it may mar their marriage. Do not be in a haste to bite what you cannot finish. Marry someone who loves you and who is God fearing.

Don’t be carried away because of the title or position of the person in church, pray very well and be convinced before accepting the proposal. Finally, keep yourself only for your would be spouse.


Who else noticed they had matching  outfits in all the pictures?! I hope you enjoyed this interview as much as I did​. Just as Chinedu said, never test your strength by putting yourself in a compromising situation.

What lessons did you pick up? Please share with us in the comment section.

Thank you for reading! Please share this post with other people!

Have an awesome weekend!



P.S : If you would like to be interviewed please send an email to

Guess who’s back??!!

Hello guys,

*Dusting off cobwebs*

After a long hiatus, I’m back to blogging. I had to take time off blogging because I had a lot going on this past two years (some of which I’ll share later on the blog).

I have a new series coming up (sorry i couldn’t complete Through the waters) and some new exciting stuff too. I also plan to start an interview series for Christian married couples who abstained from pre-marital sex, in line with God’s word. If you would like to be featured, please send me an email.

Thanks to everyone who sent me messages, emails to check up on me. I sincerely appreciate your love and concern.

Have a blessed week!